The Two Ds: Disability and Dating

Dating while having a disability is very challenging because you never know what someone's intentions are. Not being able to get dates because there are people who judge by making assumptions instead of just talking to the person with the disability. I could go on and make rants all day about the difficulties that come with dating while having a disability but I decided its better to make a list.


Judgment



I was raised that only God can judge me and I have seen so many guys put that in their profile on social media but yet be the main ones trying to judge folks. We are all guilty of judging people when it comes to dating but it depends on what we are judging. Are we judging the person character or are we judging their looks more? For people with disabilities, we are mainly judged by how we look. If we appear that we will need more assistance than the person trying to deal with, they will make assumptions and ignore us. Or reject us. Now many people have told me I couldn't get mad at that because people aren't able to handle everyone's situation which is true. I also say that we shouldn't judge people for having something they can't control either so why are we, people with disability, have to be seen less worthy of love because we may need a little or appear to need help?


Appear Too Much



This goes back to judgment but a little more detail. People who may want to date someone who has a disability but they feel that person is "too much". That makes me uncomfortable because what is too much? Are you even willing to try to be open or are you using society stereotypes to make your judgment about this person who has a disability? You will be surprised how many people said they wouldn't date someone with a disability because they didn't want to "wipe their butt" or "babysit". Like...um...excuse me? We are GROWN FOLKS out here. Who said we need anyone to do that for us? That's just your assumption honey!


The truth is anyone can be too much even abled-bodied people. We all know that friend who got the crazy ex who will bust the window out someone's car (if you don't know anyone with that ex, maybe you have that ex). People with disabilities don't have time for that. Especially if we are in a wheelchair because we will run over a foot and keep it moving to our next boo who been waiting for us!


Thinking They Doing Us A Favor



This is my favorite one because I had so many guys talk to me thinking they doing me a favor and I should be grateful that they are talking to me since I'm disabled. The disappointment I love to bring to them when I show them I already know I'm a Queen and I will not bow down to anyone.


Many people feel like people with disabilities are weak-minded and will accept any date because of how hard it is for people to accept us. The thing that people tend to forget is that we may have a hard time in the dating world but we won't settle because someone gave us attention. We know our worth too much and know that we deserve to love the RIGHT WAY. So if you want to date us, you will have to work hard to get us just like you would do for anyone else. I always say, "I may have a wheelchair, but I will STILL NOT chase after a guy."


There are people on social media who would tell me to be understanding and settle but I don't settle. My God made sure this Earth was good before he rested which he means he didn't settle for anything less until everything was good. I'm not going to settle for anything or anyone just because I have a disability.


Not Being Seen As Worthy of Love



This is a very touchy and sensitive part when it comes to dating while having a disability. I know I'm not alone in this part because many people do look at people with disabilities as if they aren't worthy of love. As I mentioned before, we appear too much because we have the equipment to help us live and get around in the world. Our disabilities can appear unattractive to most people which can be hurtful because how is something I was born with or given to me, make me so less attractive? We are all beautiful in our own unique way and being treated as if we don't deserve love because we have a disability makes it hard.


I do know and I will forever stand that people with disabilities especially women with disabilities deserve love. We deserve to be seen as beautiful. We deserve for someone to slow down as they walking by to check us out, we deserve nice dates, we deserve compliments, we deserve to feel great too. We deserve all the wonderful things. Our disabilities shouldn't block that because our disabilities aren't us. It's just apart of us.




Of course, I don't want to come out as "OMG PICK US PLEASE" kind of post but to give an understanding of why dating can be difficult for us and also give an understanding that judging a book by its cover doesn't get you far. There many people with disabilities who will bring you joy, peace, and love into your life without even trying too. If you take away the stereotypes, judgment, assumptions, and all the negativity that been place on us, you will actually see the beauty in us.

When it comes to dating, have an open mind and be willing to understanding because we all have flaws and we are imperfect but there are people out there who will see us and believe we are the best thing to ever be created.



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